


Theory of Relatives

by sakizar



Series: Relative Insanity [3]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Amazing Spider-Man (2012), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Backstory is Screwed Blued and Tatooed, But Peter Parker is the son of Tony and Steve, Darcy Lewis is Tony Stark's Daughter, Gen, Genetically Engineered Beings, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Mary Parker's A+ Parenting, Richard Parker's A+ Parenting, Technically Superfamily
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-11-05
Updated: 2014-01-13
Packaged: 2017-12-29 10:00:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1004054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sakizar/pseuds/sakizar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Aftermath of Peter finding out about his parentage! Wherein he finds out other things. Sequel to 'Run That By Me One More Time'.</p><p>EDIT 2/20/14: PRETTY MUCH ON HIATUS UNTIL GREEK TRAGICOMEDY IS FINISHED. WILL BE CONTINUED.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Nepotism and Mephisto-Phil-es

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT 2/9/2014: Story's the same just going through and adjusting things. Proofreading and all that.

Peter is sitting as still as he can trying not to look at the two adults staring at him in expectation and bemusement. This is so annoying.

"Peter?" Pepper's voice is soft and comforting. He doesn't want soft and comforting. He's an experiment. Not only in genetics but in psychology. The past few days he's spent a lot of time in the tower studying his DNA and even hanging out with Tony and Steve.

And he can't help but notice that a lot of his behavior is similar to theirs. Which bugs him but isn't nearly as bad as the times he's caught Tony, Steve, or even Bruce noticing.

But Pepper has just taken to treating him like he's a mini-Tony. Which is just so wrong because he didn't grow up like Tony. He grew up with Ben Parker who was a better man than either Howard Stark or Richard Parker could ever be. He has a small uncharitable thought that Ben was better than Tony as well or even than Steve.

The other man at the table breaks into Peter's thoughts with a cough. "Mr. Parker, in light of recent findings Mr. Stark and Captain Rogers would like to extend their aid."

Peter glares at that. "I don't need Tony's money or for Captain Righteousness to swoop in and save me."

Pepper blinks. "That's not-"

"No, I have a family, and Aunt May and I are doing fine."

Coulson raises his eyebrow. "Since your uncle died five months ago, your aunt has been selling off her antique collection, such as it was. She has also gotten another job. You didn't notice due to your recent activity as Spider-Man." He pauses. "Besides which you've worried her." He tilts his head inspected Peter. "May I ask why you haven't told her?"

"She wouldn't understand, and she would just worry more."

"That's not true." Pepper interrupts him. "It's always worse not knowing. Truth may be stranger than fiction, but its also more comforting. I know. I was Tony's PA for ten years."

Peter shifts uncomfortably. "Understood, Ms. Potts. But I'm almost out of high school-"

"Oh, no. Stop right there. You think that hiding this while you're in high school or still minor will do anything other than drive a wedge between the two of you, then you're delusional."

"But-"

"No, that is so not okay!"

"Ms. Potts," Agent Stoneface cuts in before she can really lay into Peter, but this still doesn't seem like happy fun times. "Mr. Parker, as much as I feel you should tell your aunt sooner, rather than later, about your extracurriculars, that is very much not the reason we are here." He taps the folder on the desk which is looming as much as a manila folder can loom.

Peter slouches into his chair. "Right, we're here to discuss how I don't need to get a job because Tony's simultaneously thrilled and horrified that he has seventeen-year-old-progeny. Thrilled because I can apparently science. Horrified because the other genetic donor is a man that his dad had a man-crush on."

Pepper sits back, and Coulson looks as pained as he can without actually moving his face. Peter can hear them thinking as loud as if they'd screamed it. "Yeah, definitely a Stark."

Which, dammit, was getting old. So he slouches a little more.

"Be that as it may, Mr. Stark is definitely interested in at least making sure you have proper resources for your education and extracurriculars."

"And as for a job," Pepper snorts. "Tony doesn't actually have general hiring power unless it's for his PA and even then the person has to be approved through proper channels."

Peter rolls his eyes. "Yeah, okay, but there are ways around that. Besides, any recommendation Tony Stark makes about some random young man would get me any job I wanted." He pauses to smirk at her. "Wouldn't it?"

She raises her eyebrows. "Don't be so confident. Tony has a reputation for being capricious in hiring." She gestures to herself. "Exhibit P: my jump from PA to CEO."

Peter waves her objection away. "No, that really doesn't count. Like, there are odes that could be written about how that doesn't count. He told me about that. During the opening of Stark Expo, right? He was dying. Trying to be responsible and passing the torch to someone he trusted."

She blinks and sort of boggles at him.

Coulson sighs. "That was classified."

"That he was dying?" Peter splutters. "How do you classify someone's medical condition? Doesn't that interfere with HIPAA or something?"

Coulson stares at him blankly. What an ass.

Pepper clears her throat. "Yes, well, that period of time wasn't his best, I suppose, but--"

"Besides," Peter gleefully interrupts. "Tony is very anti-nepotism-without-actual-talent and that is also very much part of his reputation."

"Peter, do you actually want to work at SI? Because anywhere else might reserve the right to categorically refuse you because of Tony's recommendation."

Peter shrugs. Huh, he hadn't thought of that. "Maybe, but I'm really more interested in biology than engineering." He give them a dark smile. "Much to Tony's dismay."

"Which gives you far too much joy." Tony drawls as he strides in.

"Yeah, but my quote-unquote Stark keeps slipping out, and that's one of the few things that is decidedly nurture rather than nature."

Tony smiles. "Yeah, okay. That's fair, I guess." He raises an eyebrow at Pepper, Coulson, and the folder. "Hmmm, what's doing Pep? Agent acting out Mephistopheles instead of just Phil today?"

Coulson sighs. "No, Tony, no Faustian bargains, just an NDA."

Tony looks speculative at that, raising his other eyebrow. "Remind me of the difference again?"

"Tony, what're you doing here?" Pepper is straining to keep her voice level.

"Peter needs representation. I'm representing him at this shady rendevous with a government agent and a big bad businesswoman." No one says any thing for a moment. "My DNA was used to make him. That's good enough for most courts."

Peter sighs. "It's really not. Also, you are the absolute worst at describing relationships ever. Of all time." He covers his face with his hands. "Did you invite your baby daddy? Because that is just just like three people too many for this meeting."

Pepper frowns. "Who's the third?"

"Me. You guys could've just tossed me those papers and said them. And hey! I would've signed read and signed them. Without the torture. Or the references to Steve as a baby daddy. Which I am regretting so hard right now."


	2. Deep Thought and a Massacre of Bags

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT 2/9/2014: Story's the same just going through and adjusting things. Proofreading and all that.

Steve's trying to lose himself in motion again. Like when he first woke up in this new time in a place that should've been home but left him at a loss at every turn.

Unfortunately it's going about as well as it did then. He'll apologize to Tony for the punching-bags later.

He sighs as another one flies into the wall, and he drops onto a bench. God, this is weird. His DNA was used in an experiment. An experiment that yielded a kid that's half him and half a man he might call his polar opposite.

The problem isn't the biological experimentation though. The problem is how absolutely normal everyone is taking this. That it isn't bothering Steve nearly as much as he thinks it should. It should bother him more. It should bother Tony more. Well, maybe it's bothering Tony more than he's letting on.

Tony's been almost aggressively trying to make Peter feel comfortable in the tower. Not that the rest of them haven't, but it seems different for Tony. Like he's -

"Hey, Cap."

Great. Clint. Just what he needs. "Hey."

Clint walks around the remains of the punching bags to sit by Steve. "So, this a private party?" He pauses to survey the room. "Ritual sacrifice. Whatever. I'm flexible."

Steve laughs. Yeah, that didn't sound right which Clint's grimace at the noise confirms. "No, just trying to clear my head."

"You might wanna try something else."

"Why?"

"Fighting is too second nature. You end up in auto-pilot, so you have more time for deep-thought. You want something that'll occupy your thoughts, something you have to concentrate on." Clint grins. "Like marksmanship. No offense, Steve, but your shooting form is kind of hideous."

Steve rubs his face. That makes sense, but he doesn't think he has it in him to concentrate on anything. "I was actually kind of thinking about taking a nap. I haven't been sleeping well."

Clint's mouth does some acrobatic maneuver that Steve thinks means that he would've sooner believed that Steve was considering joining HYDRA or AIM. Yeah, Steve didn't believe himself either. He smiles apologetically.

Clint snorts and shakes his head. "How about some mindless TV and Chinese food?"

Steve nods. "Yeah, that sounds good." He pulls at the tape on his hands.

Clint grins. "Great, take a shower, Cap. Food'll be here fifteen."

Steve scowls at his retreating back.

Clint stops and kicks at a punching-bag corpse, watching the sand trickle out. "By the way, Peter's staying the night. The NDA meeting with Phil and Pepper ran long." He shrugs. "Tony gate-crashed, so Phil had a hard time maintaining the pace."

"What'd he tell his aunt?"

"That a project ran late for his SI internship. And that his mentor got him a room here for to night to make up for it."

"And she was okay with that?" Bruce had told him about the tinny voice he'd overheard from that first day when they'd forgotten to call. Told him about the side of the conversation he could. May Parker didn't seem like a woman who would appreciate her nephew staying overnight in Manhattan.

Clint turns. There's something wrong in the tilt of his smile. "She'd rather have him stay somewhere overnight than have him taking the bus and making his way home this late. His uncle was killed after dark a few months ago."

The tape slips from Steve's fingers. That's very... not good. He takes a deep breath. "So, he recently got these new powers, then his uncle died, then he found out the people he thought were his parents used him as a science experiment."

Clint winces. "Yeah, that's about the size of it."

"Clint, what is Tony doing?"

Clint rolls his eyes. "Steve, when have you or I or Phil or even Nat ever known what Tony Stark is doing. Most of the time he doesn't even know what he's doing. Not even Pepper after allowing him to wrangle her into a relationship with him or working for him for all those years." He shakes his head. "No, Cap, I can't answer any questions you have for Tony's motives. You're either going to have to ask him or wait until he unveils his evil plot."

Steve smiles at his friend. "Yeah, I think I knew that already, but I had to ask."

Clint nods. "Yeah, I get it."

Steve sighs. "So, mindless TV and Chinese food you said?"

"You got it, Cap. Meet us upstairs after you shower and change?"

"Yeah. Save me a spot, okay?"

Clint didn't respond for a moment. "I would, but I think your spot has already been saved." This time the sniper is out the door before Steve can ask what that means.


	3. Evasive Neurosis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT 2/9/2014: Story's the same just going through and adjusting things. Proofreading and all that.

Tony is kind of freaking out and pacing the kitchen. Peter's still in the tower so that's one thing off the list, but the second item is a little more troubling.

And the rest of the asylum invited themselves to his 'Hang Out with Peter' night. It's almost as if they don't trust Tony not to undo almost eighteen years of good parenting and traumatize the kid into a proto-Tony pre-Afghanistan complete with daddy-issues and mommy-issues and godfather-issues or whatever kind of issues they think Tony has, had, or will ever have.

It's a little more than slightly insulting. Except for how Tony is dreading the same thing.

Whatever, not the point. Tony needs to talk to Peter alone.

A plan which throws itself down the drain as soon as Steve, fresh from the gym and a shower, sneaks past the kitchen. Okay, so he tries to sneak and ends up walking like he's trying to dodge the paparazzi.

Tony smirks and wraps an arm around Steve's shoulder. "Cap, I don't know who told you that you were stealthy, but they were lying liars who lied because sneaking, not your strongest point."

"Verily!" Both Tony and Steve jump at the booming interruption. Thor smiles and pats their shoulders. "Apologies my friends, I merely wished to agree with Anthony that while the Captain excels at many things, sneaking may not be one of them."

"Hey, thanks, big guy." Tony smiles at Thor. Thor is really great and Tony's pretty sure the demigod is almost Tony's favorite. Even he does inflict back-breaking, soul-crushing shoulder pats. "Maybe you could give him some pointers, I never hear you until you say something."

Steve rolls his eyes and shows absolutely no discomfort after the back-pat of doom. Stupid supersoldier serum. "Thanks, Tony. And the pointers aren't necessary, Thor."

Tony barks out a laugh. "Oh, Captain, my Captain, you are so wrong, but that's fine. We can deal with your inability to sneak a little later. For now..."

"Ah, Anthony, I must submit a request."

Tony grins. "Sure, big guy, what do you need?"

Thor, God of Thunder, Prince of Asgard, and really big dude, actually bites his lip. Really, how is that even a thing. "Well, my dearest Lady Jane is currently in New York for a symposium." He is very careful with that last word like the feisty Dr. Foster had repeatedly smacked him over the head in order to get him to properly pronounce it. "And I was wondering if I might be allowed to invite them to stay in the tower."

"No prob--" Tony begins, but wait, rewind. "Uh, them? So that would be Dr. Foster plus one? Or more?"

Thor smiles graciously as he always does. "Only one, Man of Iron. The brave and gallant Lady Darcy."

Oh, dear. That was... a thing. Okay, Tony could do that. He could hide from the kid for... "Thor, how long is this symposium?"

"I believe that the symposium is only a week," Thor says, and that sounds doable except... "However, the Ladies Jane and Darcy were planning to stay in New York for two months. Which would lead to an unfortunate hotel bill." He smiles and tilts his head. "Or so the Lady Darcy informs me."

Two months. Shit. Well, Tony probably should've told his team after he figured out that Darcy was involved with SHIELD. Ah, well, c'est la vie. Yeah, he could do this. "Yeah, that's fine. I'll add them to the list of people cleared to be in the living quarters. When should we bring them over?"

Thor scooped Tony into the most dangerous bear-hug he'd ever had the misfortune to encounter. "Oh, dear Man of Iron, I shall bring them over immediately. They did not wish to impose, but we will be enjoying a night of feasting and entertainment tonight, will we not? There can never be too many people at a celebration."

"Yeah, sure, buddy. It's ... just could you set me down?" Tony wheezes out the last few words before gasping for breath when Thor releases him. Tony pats his huge tree trunks that he calls arms. "Go ahead and have Happy drive you to their hotel. And you know, give them a call so they know what the plan is. I'll take care of the hotel cancellation when they get here. Or later. Either way I'll make sure they get their money back. Anyway go, shoo. Fetch the fair maidens, or whatever."

Thor bounds away wearing a cape and tapping away on a StarkPhone. That will never not be weird.

Once the elevator is on it's way down, Steve sighs from the couch. "It will never be fair that he understands technology and pop culture better than I do."

"Yeah, sometimes. It's a mix. You definitely get some things that completely befuddle him, but you're actually pretty evenly matched."

"So, what's wrong with 'the brave and gallant Darcy'?"

Damn, Tony had been hoping Steve wouldn't notice that. "Nothing, what're you talking about?"

Steve glares. "No, Tony. I'm tired of you avoiding things to do with young brunettes."

Ouch, that's probably a little too close. "Look, Steve, it's not a big deal."

"You were fine with Dr. Foster coming, but after you found out who her 'plus one' was, something changed."

"Look, we have a history."

"Oh, God, Tony. She's still a college student and you-"

"Not that kind of history." Tony sighs. He's gonna have to explain this. He really didn't want to have to explain this. He hadn't even explained this to Pep, and he had actually managed to convince her to date him.

Steve is watching him. He's tilting his head and waiting for Tony to explain.

Fine, if Steve really wants an explanation, he'll get all the explanation he can take.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here comes the brave and gallant Lady Darcy. We all know what Tony has to explain. No one's really very happy about it.


	4. Butchering of Agendas Everywhere

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT 2/9/2014: Story's the same just going through and adjusting things. Proofreading and all that.

"So, Thor conned Tony into letting us stay in the tower." Jane sighs as she hangs up.

Darcy drops the bag she'd been about to put on the closet shelf. "No, that is not possible."

"Darce."

"No, Jane, if he was going to ask if we could stay with the SuperFriends, why couldn't he do it before we got to the hotel? Failing that why couldn't he do it right when we arrived? What possible reason could he have for waiting for three hours after we told him that we got to the hotel?" Dammit. She didn't want to live with Tony and his friends for the next two months. It was going to be annoying enough being in the same city as Tony, but living in close quarters, or as close of quarters as Tony Stark ever lets himself be closed into, was not Darcy's idea of a good time.

Jane winces a little. "Look, Darce, I'm not really excited about this either. I'm not really upper-crust or anything, and Tony Stark can be a little intimidating. Not to mention the fact that we don't know what kind of facilities await us. Maybe I should've said no? I'm sorry, Darce."

Great, Jane. Make Darcy feel like a total heel. "Not to worry, Tony Stark only pits his intimidation shtick on people he thinks are incompetent. And believe me, Dr. Foster, o mystical documenter of the Einstein-Rosen Bridge, you are not on that list."

"But that--"

"No buts, and please, you're questioning the facilities of Tony Stark after all the press he's had about being an indulgent, opulent hedonist. Now, we all know press differs from reality, but I highly doubt it differs that much." Darcy rolls her eyes and grabs the equipment she had just finished setting out. So annoying.

"We don't have to go."

Darcy turns to her boss and friend. The other women is mutilating a beautiful, embossed hotel welcome card. Darcy sighs. "No, but you want to, and I don't have that big a problem with repacking everything and then unpacking." She glares good-naturedly. "As long as you don't intend on making me do the unpacking alone. I promise to be unspeakably put out if I'm immediately abandoned for your 'it's-complicated'." She narrows her eyes. "Unspeakably put out."

Jane winces. "No pop-tarts put out?"

Darcy purses her lips. That's not a good punishment because, well, Jane defines absent-minded professor. "No, I'm thinking fruit-salad and doodles on lab reports put out is more apt." That worked especially well that one week Darcy worked as a TA.

Jane groans. "That was the worst week ever."

Darcy grins at her. "Please, boss-lady, I could do so much worse than that."

Jane swallows what Darcy knows would've been the most petulant whining of all time when a knock sounds from outside the room. Darcy rolls her eyes at the resulting disaster of dropped clothes and broken sound barrier that Jane creates as she rushes to answer the door. Thor is not going anywhere without his lovely Lady Jane. That is just not a thing that is happening.

"Jane!" See, happy booming voice, all joyful and triumphant to see her, all that equals not letting Dr. Jane Foster, Ph.D., out of his sight for the foreseeable future.

Darcy's train of thought is slightly derailed when another male voice calls out, "Uh, do you girls need help repacking?"

Darcy whoops. "Very much so! Happy Hogan, you are officially my favorite." She gestures at the mess that is the bedroom of the suite. "Those go in there. That goes in that long case that looks sort of like a drum case and sort of like a trombone case. Not sure if that makes sense but if you can't figure it out just leave it. These just go thrown in this bag."

She stops when she realizes that there is a distinct lack of Happy doing her packing. "What?"

"Um, how did you know my name?"

She waves him off. "I read it somewhere. See, Jane," she calls into the other room, "Even Tony's staff gets its own press." Darcy pauses and tilts her head. "That could be taken so badly."

Happy winces. "No, really, how did you know my name? Tony is ridiculously good at keeping me out of the press. Ridiculously good at keeping anything that he really doesn't want in the press out of the press."

"Oh god, does that mean that he wanted that story about the lesbian hookers to run? Or the one where a major news conglomerate called him a terrorist?" Darcy knows that neither were stories Tony particularly cared about, but hey, she was going for shock factor.

And oh, she gets shock factor.

"Darcy, oh my God! You can't ask questions like that!" Jane does a lot of things like no one else, science, kindness, exasperation, quelling, and oh god her shrill was to die for!

Happy just coughs and shifts uncomfortably. "Yeah, okay, sometimes while he doesn't care for a story, he doesn't really care that it got reported either."

"So, he's comfortable with being called a terrorist?"

"What? No! I was talking about him not caring about the lesbian hookers!"

Dead. Ringing. Silence.

Happy sighs and runs a hand through his hair. "So, is there any way I can convince all of you that this didn't happen. I swear I'm better at fielding questions when I'm working for Tony." He shoots a glare at Darcy. "I just wasn't expecting to have to do it right now. I still don't buy that you knew my name from some rag."

Jane turns to Darcy. "What did you do? How do you know Tony's driver?"

She sneers at Jane. Then she turns to Happy. "You're more of his friend-slash-modern-day-manservant. Oh, like when medieval warriors would end up bonding with the manservants that would take on crusades, right? Kind of like Thor's shield-brother concept except Tony pays you. Probably mostly to make up for that awful nickname. When I heard about it, I razzed him about it for months."

Happy stares at her blankly for a moment before looking to Jane and Thor for help. "Uh, I guess?"

"Darcy." Jane's tone is measured and even. She's getting upset. Even with Thor in the room. "How did you meet Tony Stark? And why did you get the chance to make fun of his nickname for his driver?"

"Actually!" Happy gestures at Darcy as he cuts in. "Her description of crusader bonds - okay, nevermind."

And there's Jane's quelling look again. Poor Happy, Darcy was definitely letting Tony know about that. At least after she stopped yelling at the idiot.

"Look, Jane, if we're going down this road, I need to make a call first."

"Darce."

"No seriously, I'll tell. I just need to talk to someone because this isn't just my secret. I told him to tell them soon, but he's a pussy when it comes to things like this, but he should've started telling people by now." She pulled out her phone. "So if you'll excuse me?"

She walks into the hallway and place the call. God, she could kill Tony. That man is incredibly brave the majority of the time, but he's complete crap at taking risks with his personal life. Whatever, ring, ring.

"Hey! Darcy, didja meet Happy? Is he everything you thought he would be? Isn't he just great? Are Thor and his lady-love locked at the lips? Happy's helping--"

"Shut up."

"What? But Darcy?"

"No, you don't get to talk. You don't get to ask questions."

"I'm sorry."

"I told you. You said you were going to talk to them. I told you that I would be in New York soon, and you said that you would tell your team and those close to you. I told you I would be in new York. I told you when. I gave you a goddamn itinerary."

"You didn't tell me that you would be with Dr. Foster."

Darcy takes a deep breath to stop herself from yelling down the phone line. This man just doesn't listen. "Yes. Yes, I did. I told you that I would be traveling to new York for a science conference with Dr. Jane Foster. Those were my exact words. I even told you that we would be showing the data we collected from the Convergence event and the portal over Manhattan. These were things that I mentioned, that I told you. But once again you weren't paying attention. You never pay attention to me."

"Darcy..."

"No, really, I should be used to it by now. We've expended so much energy ignoring my existence, why should I expect you to listen to me?"

"It's not like that, and you know it."

"Tony, I don't a good god-damned thing. Look, I'll pack Jane up and send her and her equipment over with Happy and Thor. Maybe we can meet up for lunch, but I'm gonna have Happy drop me at my apartment." She sighs. "Unless of course you actually terminated my lease."

"No, its still in your name. Look, Darce, I--"

"Tony, I get it. It's hard to drop this sort of thing into conversation. I'll get over it. It's not like I haven't been hiding this since before I could remember."

"Come to the tower tonight?"

"No, I'm not in the mood to hide who I am. I'll come over tomorrow, yeah? I've still gotta meet the rest of your boy-band, right?"

"Okay, but--"

"Look, Tony, this'll give you a chance to tell everybody at once without this becoming some warped show-and-tell presentation."

The phone crackles with one of his deep sighs. "Whatever, I was trying to tell you that I told Cap. We're having a movie night, and Thor wanted you and Jane here. But fine, talk to you later, kiddo."

He hangs up, and Darcy slides down the wall next to her hotel room. Dammit, now she had to think of a way to explain everything without actually explaining anything.

The sound of a throat clearing above her draws her attention. Jane sighs at her. "You don't actually have to explain right now. It would be great if you could explain before we leave New York, but you don't have to explain right this second."

Darcy laughs and pokes the other woman's shin. "This is why I love you, Jane. You're the greatest. I'm also gonna pass on the lifestyles of the rich and famous. I won't stay in the hotel though. I'll get Hogan to drop me at my place."

"Your place?" Jane drops to the floor next to her. "I didn't know you had an apartment in New York. Why didn't we go there in the first place?"

Darcy bites her lip. This was why she needed Tony to spill the beans. The coward. "That's another part of the secret. Also I didn't think there would be enough room for your equipment."

"Darcy, did Tony take advantage of you?"

Jane's question stalls out Darcy's train of thought. For close to a full minute Darcy just stares at her friend. Then she really can't help it. She bursts out laughing. She can't control it for a minute and a half, by which time Jane is scowling and crossing her arms.

"No, Jane, nothing like that. We just have a complicated relationship and he's not ready to explain everything that goes with it. It'll be fine. He'll explain by tomorrow at the latest. And hey, apparently Thor's taking you to a movie night. Have fun."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, here she is we all knew this was coming but I had a hard time with the backstory b/c the Marvel Wiki for Earth-199999 (Cinematic Verse) says that Tony was born in 1970. Whereas RDJ was born in 1965... Which I had already looked up and accepted as his age b/c I didn't think they had canon for his age. I mean really why would you do that? And really that makes a huge difference b/c it's the difference btw him having a kid when he's 16 and him having a kid when he's 21.
> 
> Not that the Cine!Verse cares about my dilemma b/c in canon he has no progeny.
> 
> Then there's the thing where Darcy is a grad student but towards the end of that so she's at least 22 more like 25. Unless she did the whole accelerated education, graduate early thing? Is that a thing that Darcy would do? It's a thing that Kat Denning did. She was home-schooled and graduated at the age of 14. (At least according to the internet... sigh.)
> 
> And I realize that I've killed most of canon, that this story is fairly AU, that one of my tags actually reads 'Backstory had been screwed, blued, and tattooed. But I like using what actual information is out there, even if I do move things around.
> 
> And while I'm making this AN of doom, my timeline for the movies goes like this:  
> -Marvel's The Avengers  
> -Thor dark world  
> -Tony and Pepper break up off screen b/c that msg as he went through the portal was just an awful, heartwrenching thing  
> -most of the events of IM3 except Pep and Tony aren't dating maybe Darcy's the one that gets kidnapped (might end up doing rewrite for that, but don't count on it)  
> -a couple of months in which Avengers come back together as a team  
> -start of Relative Insanity (my series)
> 
> (wow I did not know that the incredible hulk was supposed to take place during Thor... that is just ugh)
> 
> I'm sorry that I'm drawing this out but really, you guys already know. And now Steve knows. And next chapter for sure everyone else gets to find out.


	5. Up In the Air

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: SOOOOOO sorry about the long wait for this chapter. In fact it isn't even really a next chapter because it's basically the action on the other side of the phone conversation that Darcy had in the last chap. And I'm the worst at planning out stories, b/c while I was trying to write this, I ended up writing not the next chap but the chap after that one... (sigh) whatever.
> 
> EDIT 2/9/2014: Story's the same just going through and adjusting things. Proofreading and all that.

"Tony! You didn't think we should know that you have a daughter?" Steve's hovering over Tony. He knows that. But, dammit, he can't help it.

"Not that it's really any of your business, but that's not it," And Tony's just scoffing and slouching into the kitchen counter, trying to edge away. "It's just we've kept Darcy a secret for so long! I didn't know how to bring it up. I've never told anyone but Darcy. We had a talk when she was nine or ten."

"She didn't know?" Steve's taken aback. Tony's a liar but not like that. He never hides the important things unless he's making a point. But there is no point to be made to a little girl in that way.

"When she was a baby -" Tony's interrupted by his phone ringing. He checks it and sighs. "Sorry, Steve. This is her. I'll explain better in a minute."

Steve nods absently as Tony walks away. Tony has a daughter. As weird as it seems, or would seem, Steve can picture Tony being a great friend to a little girl.

"Hey, Cap." Steve jumps a little when Clint pokes him.

"Uh, hi, Clint."

There must be something in his greeting that's not quite right because Clint stares at him and circles closer to evaluate his posture. "So, what's going on with Stark?"

"Nothing. Tony's fine." Don't engage. Stall, Rogers.

"Cap... You were yelling at him a minute ago, and now he's on the phone, but not really talking. This is not a good sign, Steve. Tony does not break away from fights to talk to his stockbrokers."

"Clint." It's not his secret. He can't say. And Tony's about to tell everyone else anyway. Clint can wait ten minutes for Tony to talk to his, wow, daughter and gather himself.

The archer leans into Steve's space. He's a smaller man, but he's not small. He glares up and hisses, "The tower's still kind of fitting together after the Mandarin crap and that thing Thor did in Greenwich. Peter's adding more variables because he and Tony are crazy people. If there're more variables coming into this situation I wanna know."

Steve sighs. "Thor's bringing Dr. Foster and Miss Lewis to the tower to stay for a couple of months."

Clint grins and backs off. He doesn't know, well, at least there's that. "Okay. No big thing, right. They're both already under NDA and pretty great people. Met them in the land of enchantment when the big guy first crash landed." His grin takes an odd turn. "Played some pool with Darcy. Hustled her a little."

Steve pretty much skips over that last part because whatever Clint did, Steve has too many balls in the air to try and juggle that fact. "Yeah, but Tony apparently has some history with Miss Lewis."

Clint's face goes blank. The face Tony always calls his 'assassin face.' "Oh, well, that's awkward. What kind of history because she's like, what, twenty-four?"

"Actually," Tony interrupts, avoiding looking at either of them, "She's twenty-five. And for the moment plans have been diverted. Darce's heading to her apartment. She says she'll come over for lunch tomorrow, but for now, she refuses to see me."

"Huh," Clint narrows his eyes, "So, what kind of history are we talking?"

Tony rolls his eyes, but still doesn't make eye-contact. He's huddling like he does when he thinks that he's alone and that he's disappointed Pepper or one of the team. "The kind where she's the secret fruit of my loins." And there's the joking to avoid actually talking about the situation. The kind of joking he employs to avoid medical after severe injuries.

Clint misses that and just laughs. "Yeah, right, pull the other one."

Tony hunches further into himself. And he almost never does that people are around. "Not a joke. When I was twenty-one, I was less than careful with one of my 'dalliances'," He snorts and makes finger quotes around the word, "She got pregnant. And the rest isn't any of your business."

"So, you've hidden her for twenty-five years?" Clint asks.

"With her help."

"Yeah, but whose decision was it?" And Steve doesn't know how to parse the dark accusing note to Clint's voice.

Tony abruptly turns and straightens, meeting Clint's glare with one of his own. "I've asked her. Repeatedly since she's reached majority. It was only in the last few months that she's wanted to be outed to anyone. And she only wanted to tell the six of you."

"Because she knew she'd be outed by this trip?"

"Yep."

Steve snorts. "So, even with Peter, you weren't going to tell us."

"Ah well, there's been so much going on."

"Tony."

"Look, we found out about him less than a week ago." He fidgets with his shirt hem. "I haven't exactly told either kid about the other."

Steve bites his lips and shoots a glance at Clint who is rolling his eyes. Clint is very seldomly helpful. "Tony, Darcy doesn't know that Peter is technically your son?"

"No." And here comes the defensive posture back again.

"Oh, my god. Tony, you need to call her before Thor tells her."

"Oh, fuck!" Tony fumbles for his phone, scurrying out of the room.

Steve sighs and casts his gaze to the ceiling. "Jarvis?"

"Yes, Captain."

"Is this why you've been so quiet lately?" Because JARVIS has been almost absent ever since Tony pulled Steve out to kidnap a teenage vigilante.

There is definite hesitation in the AI's voice before he finally deigns to reply, "I don't believe I know what you're talking about, Captain."

Clint snorts, and Steve sighs. "Jarvis, please don't lie to me." Steve had thought they had already worked through this. The last time JARVIS lied to him, there was almost property damage and excessive IEDs involved. IEDs in toasters. Steve was never going to get used to Tony's bad habits. Because they were always the worst.

"I have known Miss Lewis almost my entire life. She was nurturing influence on me. I promised to protect her and her secret with all I am. I have made no such promises regarding Master Parker. I have been working to remedy this oversight."

"Oh, so you weren't hiding from us, so that Tony would have to explain about Darcy?" Clint snarks at the ceiling.

"Even if I had spoken to you with my regular frequency," And now JARIVS isn't hesitant. His modulated tones and stiff and almost arch. "I have barred my programing from speaking of Miss Lewis with those who do not know her secret. So you would have received no input from me if you had asked about her in any capacity other than Dr. Foster's assistant and friend."

Steve nods at that and shares a glance with Clint who shrugs. "So you didn't want us noticing that. To give you and Tony more time to tell us."

"To be frank, Captain, I didn't give a fuck, to borrow a phrase from Sir. Miss Lewis is Sir's daughter, and I am his creation. Throughout the years she has come to mean almost as much to me as is possible considering my limitations." There is the faint impression that without these limitations JARVIS would've bodily gestured to himself.

Steve doesn't think he's ever heard the AI swear before and doesn't really know what to do with his response.

Clint on the other hand finds it hilarious. He doubles over with his mirth. Once he can breathe again, he gasps out, "That is just so great. So, Darce is like your little sister. Awesome."

"Indeed, Agent Barton. She is my second favorite person, above even Ms. Potts."

Clint smiles vaguely at that. "Yeah, she kinda gets under your skin."

Steve chuckles. "It must be another Stark family trait."

"You'd know, wouldn't you?" Clint says, rolling his eyes.

Steve glares, but the only heat is in his cheeks as he blushes furiously. And then he doesn't know why he's blushing. He's known Howard and Tony. He liked Peter even before he turned out to be his biological son. Steve's self-aware enough to know that Peter's most prominent traits could be attributed to Tony with minimal reach. Steve ducks his head at the thought of Peter. No matter that he was born in 1918, Steve still only feels like a thirty-year-old. And Peter is almost eighteen. The disconnect is just a really weird thing still.

"He'd know what?" Tony asks, walking back into the kitchen and frowning at his phone.

Steve smiles. "Nothing. What did Darcy say?"

Tony sighs. "She didn't answer. I left her a couple messages. She probably won't call me until tomorrow, because she's just as stubborn as I am." He runs a hand through his hair. "I'm kind of tired. I think I'm gonna go lie down."

Steve nods and grimaces at Clint.


End file.
